i've been pretty damn sick for the past few days.
what with fluctuating fever, bloody bad headaches, and a pain-in-the-ass cough.
i've been woken up by my own atrocious coughing in the middle of the night so often la. and its DAMN irritating.

Meng said the other day to me, "its time to move on lena"
and i told him, YES i know, tell me about it.
but its like i need to meet that particular person who can give me the same damn feeling he did.
and i have yet to do so.
and no, i'm not the sort who compares and all that, but if no chemistry, cannot force rite.
he's putting up at my mum's place, and he's done moving and sorting out his stuff already.

i headed to clementi's polyclinic with my mum yesterday, and the queue seriously finished me off. it took 2 whole hours to get everything done and over with.
and my doctor didnt believe me when i said paracetemol doesn't work for me. he insisted that it would do the job better than nurofen, which i was currently taking. he said nurofen causes gastric, which i have yet to experience, and that its too strong.
and guess what, i woke up today with an even higher fever than yesterday. sheesh.
and to cap it all off, i took so many naps throughout the course of the day because my cough medicine makes me EXTREMELY drowsy.

i'm thankful i grew up with open-minded parents.
obviously there have been a few hiccups here and there, but ultimately i have to learn how to take care of myself in the wild and crazy world we live in, and i HAVE to be street-smart.
but the prob is, i don't feel 20. i don't feel it weighing down on me just yet. that's not a prob to be honest, i just wonder whether it hasn't sunk in or that i'm too damn carefree to notice it.
and as the year draws to an end, its time for new resolutions (OBVIOUSLY i have never kept any of them, except the one to tidy my room and all that nonsense), i just make resolutions so as to....feel better. whats a new year without new resolutions?

i cant believe i'm growing up so quickly, honest to God.

and its time for us to fight for what we really really really want.
not in the..achievement sense, but in a way we must fight for what makes us happy, makes us want to go on living our life. and now that my age starts with a big 2, i must learn not to be pessimistic about life, considering that i can somehow obtain what i want.
not money LA, but freedom and many other things that can't be bought with cash.

i told simon yesterday what has happened in the last few weeks (or months) between my parents, and i very nearly teared up.
its scary how when i dont think about it, everything else seems so fine and dandy.
but when i do, i'll bring myself back to that emotional turmoil i was stuck in. and I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN. it'll take time, i'm sure, but soon it'll just be a very very bad memory.

all children somehow let their parents down in one way or another, but it goes the same for parents too.

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair. "

- the 5 people you meet in heaven